बदलाव : एक शब्द या एककहानी


कहते हैं की ज़िन्दगी में कुछ अगर स्थायी रहता है तो वो है बदलाव।मैंने भी एक कोशिश की है खुद को खोजने की। आँखें बंद करके जब अपना गुजारा हुआ दिन भी सोचती हुँ तो लगता है मानो बहुत कुछ पिछे छूट गया ।

बड़ी छोटी सी है ज़िन्दगी इतने सारे फलसफे। कितनो से रूठ जाऊ कितनो को मनाओ , एक पल ख़ुशी का एक गम का , किसको जाके अपना मंन दिखाऊ । आइना भी कभी झूठ बोल देता है , पलकों में छुपे आंसुओ को संझो लेता है । वक़्त बदला वो बदले , हम जो जरा खुद के हुए , वो बोले तुम भी आखिर बदल ही गए ।

सवाल यहाँ ये है क्या बदलाव उचित है । हम हर पल आगे बढ़ रहे है । जीवन में हर चीज को पाने की चाह , उसको पाने की ज़िद में भुला दिए गए पल या रिश्ते , क्या कभी कहते नहीं है की अब क्यों बदल रहे हो । शायद किसी भी दूसरे को कहना आसान होता है के तुम पहले जैसे नहीं रहे पर खुद को मानो हम सब भुला बैठे है ।
भौतिक सुख की चाह तो ना जाने कितनो को बदल दिया   है पर दुःख तब होता है जब लोग मुँह मोड़ लेते है ।
भावनात्मक रूप से बदलाव शायद सबसे जायदा असहीनय है ।

दुःख के कई रूप होते है पर जब दिल पर चोट लगती है बर्दाश्त नहीं होती । कुछ ताने बानो की है जिंदगी , एक लम्हा तेरे इंतज़ार का ,एक खनक तेरी आवाज़ की , बदल गयी है दुनिया पर मिटी ना आस तेरे ऐतबार की ।

बड़े सारे उदहारण है जब मन ये सोचने पर मजबूर हो जाता है के क्या कमी की हमने । कभी पड़ोस में रह रहे वृद्ध माता पिता से पूछो , विदेश गए बच्चे क्यों बदल गए । कभी आज कल किसी भी कपल से पूछो , कैरियर की रेस में दिल कैसे बदल गए ।

अजीब लगता है ना , पता हम सबको होता है के मन से कमी कहा की पर फिर भी जो ना हट पाया वह था हमारा बदलाव ।

विचारों से आगे बढ़ना जीवन को खुबसूरत करता है पर उसकी कसौटी मूल्यों का बदलना नहीं होना चाहिए ।
आओ आज बढे एक नए बदलाव की ओर , एक नए आगाज़ के साथ ॥

The Heart says it all...

I am like quite mixed on emotions right now.Depressed yet thoughtful, calm yet cold... is something wrong with me, probably the answer is YES.

Like any other normal person I go through a dozen of  feelings in one single day but at times one feeling over shadow the other.I like being happy but then is it not a choice as I can't put my inner emotions on display.I am actually wondering how people deal with all these inner demons.At times I wonder that one should feel weak too, playing strong hurts at one point of time.

Life differs for everyone..various shades, so many goof ups oops I mean relationships, so many responsibilities, our own ever changing  nature, the cope up mechanisms, high own achievement list n bla bla.Satisfaction is no where.You know what after talking to a number of people, I concluded that each one of us want to run away from life due to any reason or because of any ongoing situation.The mere thought of being into trauma give goose bumps and when we actually land into it - we just want to hide.

The worst part comes in dealing with breakups.It's not like a counselling session but people tend to change for their worst/best at handling these. I am amazed how a person becomes the core of our happiness, the world go gaga with their mere presence, the very thought of losing them bring tears in eyes.Are not we born at different place,cross path with this someone special and then there is this click... not sure how it happens..chemical glitch or whatever but this single person at times torn us into pieces.The self esteem , that boost of confidence - they can take all away.No matter how world accepts you but their rejection makes you feel unworthy of life itself.

We sink into sadistic mode, may be due to lack of sharing.The fear of getting our disappointment going viral also plays a crucial role.But sharing is important.What happens now a days is that we remain surrounded by so many people,we share smiles, food, gossips but not ourselves.People rarely pay heed to know your real nature but get at least one friend with whom you can share life.Having a good friend by your side (who stand by you, accept you with the worst ) surely brings a big time change.

Its easy to say that stay positive in life but even that comes with a price.You pick yourself up only when you sail through the storm.We tend to learn by our mistakes but positiveness comes with practice.Yes people do carry positive vibes but even that comes after a threshold experience.

So all those people who feel driven by emotions like the way I do, brace yourself up.Pick the chunks to form the full figure.Don`t give up even when the best people in your life leave.Let the memory play footstep to the foundation of beautiful you. :)


(A small dedication to my few good friends who think that I touched their life in a way or two..... )

Is it the feeling called LOVE or just another unnamed emotion....

This sounds actually fascinating.We all are normally divided into two categories : "still in love" or  "once upon in love".I don`t know how true this feel is :(
At one time adrenaline rush was too high and world seems to be most perfect place when love birds were together.That hand clutch, those eye stealing moments, that side hug and those steamy conversations.. life seems to be on cloud nine but after a while as they say there will be lull..u know what these all newspapers mention in their article as "low phase" but I am in doubt over this.

If at first go that high phase was so addictive and short than why this empty,dull phase is so long.
You are still with the same person, life is organized - everything in place but then something seems to be missing...

And this is the time when I realize to occupy myself back into my long forbidden hobbies and see here I am writing again on this blog...but somewhere deep inside I am still missing something...
what is that.. do you know?

Well love is still there but the face has changed.Now it`s more about care..no more hormone trouble.
The thing which caught two people together if not lust fire than that will surely last long and once
 this dull phase is over... u feel in love all over again...Most of the relations die in debt of this low feel.Suddenly you start realizing that I am the GIVER in relation and other one is TAKER.
You are not feeling those goosebumps on just that thought of meeting him/her.You start doubting about your commitment level.Loss of confidence on the future of relation.Am I right? You too felt the same.. See I caught you here ;)

LOVE now is transformed into keeping faith in each other for no reason, considering each other`s opinion and spending time together apart from routine work..Just don`t let those flames die so easily.
Start it all over again...try to reconnect through better communication..do some gaming, painting together...it sounds bad but trust me taking part in each other hobbies leads to a thread which is as strong as spider web...

Don`t let the low feel taking a toll on your love... whether you are married or just in non committed relationship.... just take it forward...nothing last forever...

Emotions changes shape, but they never end

It`s like how amazing can life be.I am amazed to feel all the emotions which I go through whole day.

Each day makes me feel more alive.

I don`t know why we all keep on hating all the activities which our grey cells made us to do..

Probably I am a better person now because I have the strength to face my tears when they flow down on my cheeks in front of other person, may be I am able to say that Yes I am angry and yet I know that I am suppose to behave in a certain manner.I am not sorry to feel envy.Its a temporary feel and with time it may vanish.Till the time my emotions are not abiding me to harm someone...I am fine with them..

No curtains pulled...a person should always accept their mind status.Tough times demand us to be positive though being weak is not a stigma.We humans are different from each other and we all try to imitate the best person hidden inside.

Over show of fake emotions is actually a turn off for all the people who are close to you but than no show of emotions too is a complete turn off.. We are born to feel..hunger,love,anger,hatred,jealousy & so on--these all put together makes me and shapes my approach for life.

I preserve the lessons learnt and wish to wash off all the bad memories but than being a female its not easy.No matter how cool I may pretend to be , the history for all bad moments is stored in database with the backup.

I read this line somewhere -"So in the end, I think we can all pretty well agree that even in the face of tragedy, a stellar person can thrive." but is it so??

May be true but than I had my share of tragic events..some of them torn me off inside out and some of them were later proved to be a blessing in disguise...But does that mean  I am not good strong person..I disagree because I am tough nut to crack.I accept my shortcomings..try to work upon them but love my imperfection too.

I take life as the way it comes but than it keeps on giving me some unwanted surprises..

Feeling happy is my state of mind to stay away from bad mood..bad vibes..bad atmosphere...

I gain my strength from the river of emotions...loving all the high tides and low tides..

I hope some of you may agree with this write up and than like the way you come across as a person at different levels holding a true face by not hiding your real emotion.

Facing your real self is the most difficult task.Every one will tell us to improve this and that but do bring in the change when you are ready for it.A person telling you to change may be entirely different in nature.Do take up changes and challenges but than WATCH OUT -  you should hold good what you are in original...your feel..your emotions just holds good for you...

The turmoil behind broken relationships...

Today when I sit back and see my life in a glimpse, what I see were a lot of people apart from my parents and close friends... people with whom I used to talk,laugh,shared a piece of my life yet they are missing in current scenario.Each relation with a person is a unique with its own depth.
                                                                  As years pass by , we grow and move apart where each one of us gets busy in achieving their goals,earning more n more money and leaving behind footprints at so many places.Lot of memories gets freezed, few erased from the frame of time.
                                                                 I lost so many friends at different levels(whatever has been the reason - transfers, different streams,etc),but I felt very bad for those who drifted apart due to stupid misunderstandings & miscommunication.
                                                              Guess many times we push it too hard to prove ourself so right that person in front never gets a chance to raise his/her voice.Human relations are so hard.No matter how good I behave, the person in front will judge me forsure as per his thinking pattern.Not to blame but all of us this tendency to mark people in different categories as per their nature,social value and few more factors.
                                                             But my question is when two people move apart whether in friendship or in relationship-- is the pain same for both of them.Why there is feeling for lull even you know the step taken is right.The turmoil doesn't ends here...its worst when you start questioning your own thoughts for the steps taken by you.You can be strong in front of whole world but what happens inside you is a storm of do`s and don`ts.You take the lesson from this breakage and again get hopeful...

Do you agree that broken relationships hurts like hell and leave a typical emptiness behind?
Why it gets so difficult to get over one person....how we get so stupid that we make one person as center of our life & then gets irritated on your dependency on them...
When one door closes then why we stop and see the closed door for a long time...It happens with all of us on some point of life..

Agree or won`t agree....
Do share your thoughts....

Would be mom......

As  a girl child, I used to fascinate about life,the beauty of its creation, the fact that one day nature will give me this amazing gift to be part of this wonderful journey where I`ll be in reality nurture a LIFE within me....

The complete path looks pretty long in the beginning.Still remember the day when I first received this news.
Me & my family were excited beyond limits but a few days later I realised that it`s not that easy.

This happiness came with a baggage attached..lot many health troubles..mood swings...sleeplessness ..irritation and much more...but every moment was precious as with each test I can witness the growth of life within me..

My first brush with the new feel ::

First trimester - One fine night when I was fast asleep, I suddenly realized that my heart was bouncing too hard.Feels like its almost into my throat and than doctor told me that it`s foetus heart beat..more than 145 BPM.


The Second tryst ::

End of Second trimester - This time it was out of the world sensation.
Suddenly in my stomach it felt like a roller coaster ride,churning and than a superb kick.
Oh my god...what a feel...words are too less to define it..

As I am entering into the last trimester of this remarkable process, the feeling of becoming a mother, the brush of motherhood is making me eager to see God`s gift in my hand.

I am thankful to God that he gave me a chance to be part of this life`s cycle...
A group of stemcells grown as a human baby....

Wohaaa.................

Let`s be original !!!!!

The human mind is ocean of thoughts where the deepest feelings come like high tides and waves.

No matter whether it`s anger, love, compromise, passion, sadness or any other emotion nothing is stagnant.

Change is the only constant thing in life and it`s applicable on our psyche too.
                 Though we do think that whatever feeling comes to mind at certain point of time are for sure going to stay in life forever. But that`s the beautiful irony of life, we are bided by these inconsistent emotions. Daily when we wake up in morning, we can decide whether to stay happy for the day or give a chance to the mood swing to rule for the day.

I wonder how different we all are...we study same subjects yet the understanding and interest level differs, our hobbies, color choices, inclination towards certain objects and behavior – all things are varied.

We all have a personality and the persona is also the mask or appearance one presents to the world. We disguise our real self and become what world likes.

The current impact of a stressed and high ended lifestyle leaves us in a web of emotions where a person is stuck so badly that more he tries to come out the deeper impact of ongoing thoughts, more engrossed he/she find themselves. If are performing in average manner than the peer pressure, luxurious lifestyle, success and other factors leads us to frustration where we feel helpless and start losing confidence.

We should understand the difference between the real happiness and fake happiness. Passion is the driving force for life but over expectations always ruin the life and relations.

Let’s try to live a life full of peace and happiness defined in our terms. May be my kind of happiness comes from seeing flowers or giggling kids..may be someone`s happiness comes from shopping or sleeping…let`s give a day for our self, where we can pamper our body and soul..let`s move back in childhood and spend a day doing long forgotten hobby..

We can fake everything but can`t cheat ourselves…

Let`s be original in front of everyone for one day….